The phone call was from our good friends, who have adopted one of my favorite children ever, and they knew of an expecting mom through a series of friends who wanted to have her baby adopted. We talked with the expecting mom that week and immediately loved her. She had thought through all of this and decided that she wanted us to be the parents of her baby girl. We began the process of our domestic home study and figuring out all of the legal steps we needed to take (thankfully I have a good friend who is an adoption attorney!). We called our parents, people we trust and look to for guidance and support, and we began to pray for this incredible opportunity to be parents. Our families were thrilled and many of our friends responded with great support, encouragement and prayer for us. Somehow, someway, the Lord had opened this door for us.
We continued to talk with the expecting mom every day, either by phone, text, or email. She told us she would like to come to Georgia to have the baby (she lives in Boston), just to have more closure with the situation. We found a way for that to happen and a doctor who would see her here. She would take a train and come 2 weeks before the baby’s due date: September 22nd. Yes, this was a very fast process! We started making a nursery and borrowing anything we could from friends. We made plans and bought her train ticket. We were amazed this could be a possibility. Completely amazed at the way the Lord would open a door and let us walk in. Even to be a part of this woman’s life, we knew we were supposed to be in her life…and to hopefully see her come to know Jesus in the process. We would have an open adoption, with the ability to communicate back and forth, share pictures, and share life with each other. This baby girl would always grow up knowing she was loved, by us, and her birth mom for being so brave and courageous.
So, up until Sept 6th, we communicated daily with the expecting mom. We formed a friendship with her, even though it was all over the phone and through pictures. It felt like we knew her…even if it had only been a short time. September 7th, we didn’t get a call from her but didn’t worry….then September 8th no word….September 9th she was scheduled to be on the train to come to Georgia and she did not get on the train….but we didn’t get a call…fast forward to today….September 19th…and still no word. No call. No text. No email. Nothing.
We do not know what happened…we do not know why it happened the way that it did. But something I do know is that we were to trust. Just to trust in the Lord’s guiding. We know we could not have consciously said NO to the expecting mom, after hearing her situation. We know we were supposed to walk through that door…even when it led to uncertainty and disappointment.
Yet, in the midst of all of this, the ups and the downs, we have felt the presence and peace of the Lord like no other time in either of our lives. We have been amazed and overwhelmed by the love of our family and friends who we know have prayed for us and prayed us through this situation. My job could not have come at a better time, and my sweet coworkers have been so encouraging, and those 16 smiling (sometimes crying or whining) 4 year olds are such a great blessing every day.
So, really at this point, we do not know anything. We don’t know if she’s changed her mind, or what her thoughts are. We wish we did, but we just don’t. We knew going into this that there would be a great risk involved–but really there is anytime with children and babies–you put your heart into it, hoping upon hope, and things just happen. We know we took a great risk, and we know we stepped out in faith, asking the Lord all along the way for Him to lead us. We are continuing to trust in His leading, and His heart for us we know is good. We know He has a plan in all of this…and hopefully one day we will know what happened.
I think we have always known adoption could go this way…we have heard so many stories from people….but we did not think this was going to turn out like this. We really believed this was going to happen. And now that it is pretty clear that it is not going to happen, even in the disappointment, we just know we have to keep trusting and keep walking through the doors the Lord opens for us. We did not seek this out…but when we said YES to the Lord and to adoption, we said YES to however He wants to build our family. We know that through this, our marriage has become stronger…and we know we can make it through hard times beside each other, leaning on the Lord. We are so thankful for the prayers, calls, emails, texts, and love from so many of our friends and our family. I know we have been carried by the Lord through the past few weeks…carried by prayers…loved so dearly.
We aren’t ready to make any decisions about what to do now…but one thing we do know is that God is good, no matter what. And we will continue to seek Him, seek His plans for us, and continue to say YES to Him. No. Matter. What.
And then I read this and I am so thankful for this…posted by a missionary friend:
We’re often looking for God’s will—especially when we’re in a difficult situation. We wonder, What will happen to me here? Should I stay or does God want me somewhere else? The only way to know for sure is to do what He asks you to do right now—the duty of the present moment—and wait for God to reveal the next step. As you obey what you know, you will be strengthened to take the next step and the next. Step by step, one step at a time. That’s how we learn to walk with God. But you say, “Suppose I take the first step. What will happen next?” That’s God’s business. Your task and mine is to obey this day and leave the future to Him. The psalmist says our steps are “ordered by the Lord” (37:23). This day’s direction is all we need. Tomorrow’s instruction is of no use to us at all. George MacDonald said, “We do not understand the next page of God’s lesson book; we see only the one before us. Nor shall we be allowed to turn the leaf until we have learned its lesson.”If we concern ourselves with God’s will and obey each day the directions and warnings He gives, if we walk by faith and step out in the path of obedience, we will find that God will lead us through this day. As Jesus put it, “Tomorrow will worry about its own things” (Matt. 6:34)