joy emerges from the ashes

I am not going to even pretend that the past month has been easy.  It has been hard, difficult, and I have been really raw with my emotions.  But, I also feel like this has been a sweet time.  If that even makes sense.  We have had sort of a “cocooning” time together, me and the amazing engineer.  We were planning to be parents, and then we did not become parents, so it is like we have been given this time to cherish each other and enjoy life as a family of 2….until we become a party of 3, 4 or 5…or 10!  We still do not know what happened with the birth mother…we never heard a word.

We have had a hard month…but we will not let it define us.  We will not let it keep us from what God desires for our lives.  We will press on…even if it brings more hurt and more hard times.  We will do it, because God is better.  His plans for us are better than our own plans.  And we want His plans over our own plans.  We will continue to seek adoption, and see where God takes it.  
Joy emerges from the ashes of adversity as we learn to trust and cultivate thankfulness in our lives.  We are thankful for the past month, as crazy as that is to say.  We are thankful for what it has done in our marriage.  How it has increased our communication and love for each other.  
We press on.  We know there is more.  We know there are children that are meant for us, and we are trusting in the Lord to build our family.  He knows our hearts and our desires.  We must wait.  Even when it is hard.  We will wait.
Recently I read about “Moses Moments”: when we are asked to believe what we cannot see, to walk in a way that seems beyond impossible…and then God opens the Red Sea to walk through.  Right there, in our fear and helplessness, in the brokenness and weariness.  He is there.  He is the God of Redemption.  We know He will redeem that which has been hard in our lives.  We will wait with expectant hearts.  With joy!  Knowing He is good!
I have the cutest niece in the world!  How could you not be happy when you see her sweet face!  
I feel like this new season of Fall came at the perfect time.  It is like new life has emerged and I can breathe deep again, taking in the scents of the season.  Joy has emerged in my heart through this change in season.  I am beyond thankful for all of your prayers and how you have loved us so well during this season.  We are blessed, for sure.
He makes beautiful things…out of dust!

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4 Comments

  1. This is so good, April. I like the honesty and truth in "we've had a hard month, but we won't let it define us." So good. I feel like I mostly fail at that, and define my life by what it isn't. Thanks for reminding me that that isn't the best perspective to hold. And your fall decorations are superb!!

  2. Really good stuff, April. I think we're all guilty from time to time of letting our circumstances define us. Glad to hear you are pressing on and refusing to do so. Believing with you that His plans are immeasurably better than your own!

  3. Thank you for sharing your heart and emotions….good and bad..and I also love the line, "we won't let it define us". Growing closer in your relationship w/Kevin and GOD is the best gift of all! Yes, we will wait and obey with you two!
    You have such a sweet, sincere spirit and I love your love of life…of fall…of pumpkin anything…of apples…of fall festivals…of all the wonderful things around us that we are thankful for.
    Love, Mom

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